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About time it's over. The bad thing is I need to come back and nothing is going to change when I do.
So no one can tell me what to do. I know that. I'm sick of all this shit and I'm going to go home. Until someone, anyone, has a freaking answer, I don't know what to do. None of this crap is my fault and I'm the one that's expected to do something about it. This is so stupid that I just want to go home and forget about all this shit because right now that's the best I can do.
I need to pack.
Dammit.Current Mood:  pissed off Current Music: soothing sounds of the fish tank |
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This week I:
- Met Tommy Lee Jones when he came into my work.
- Got my picture taken with Liev Schriber.
- Saw awesome movies.
- Partied nearly every night.
This week has been good so far.Current Mood: distant from myself Current Music: Machine Head - Bush |
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This is gonna be a party-every-night kind of week. A party-every-night kind of week that I really need. I intend to make this week a vacation for myself. I need one. After three diferent people working on them, my neck and back finally have all the knots out of them.
Time to pick things up around here.Current Mood: determined Current Music: I Will Buy You a New Life - Everclear |
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What is love
Oh baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
Oh, baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
What is love
Yeah
Oh, I don't know why you're not there
I give you my love, but you don't care
So what is right and what is wrong
Gimme a sign
What is love
Oh baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
What is love
Oh baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
Whoa whoa whoa, oooh oooh
Whoa whoa whoa, oooh oooh
Oh, I don't know, what can I do
What else can I say, it's up to you
I know we're one, just me and you
I can't go on
What is love
Oh baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
What is love
Oh baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
Whoa whoa whoa, oooh oooh
Whoa whoa whoa, oooh oooh
What is love, oooh, oooh, oooh
What is love, oooh, oooh, oooh
What is love
Oh baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
Don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
I want no other, no other lover
This is our life, our time
When we are together, I need you forever
Is it love
What is love
Oh baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
What is love
Oh baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more (oooh, oooh)
What is love
Oh baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
What is love
Oh baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more (oooh, oooh)
What is love?Current Mood:  head bob Current Music: What Is Love - Haddaway |
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At this point, it's all about me. I'm the only one who can treat myself as I deserve to be treated. People lie, break friendships under their own personal strains. It sounds selfish, yes, but I guess we all have a right to be selfish once in a while. And I have a right to be selfish now, too. I've been trying too hard to hold on to my friends; some of my close friends who I care about a lot, but I've realized something. They don't care about me. When people you don't even know will ask you what's wrong, something is wrong with your friendship. I'm not going to clear any guilt for something I didn't do. I'm sick of playing that game. I'm sick of telling people that "It's all ok," because I know that's a load of crap.
I got a phone call this week from one of my friends I haven't talked to in a long time. She's going through some tough times. I was the first person she called about some serious shit she's been dealing with (and I mean serious) and I started to realize something else. When your teachers and friends are saying you're not all there, that you need to get your heart back, you gotta listen to them, especially when you've been getting jerked around and the person you cared about the most could give two shits less. Nobody deserves that, including me. Nobody deserves to be hurt by their friends either. What kind of friends are those? What kind of friends follow through with something they know is going to hurt you? What kind of friends don't stand up for what they believe in or stand by their words? The kind of friends that treat you like you shouldn't be treated.
As for me, I need to get back to being alive. I've missed this feeling for a long time. I think it's finally back. And I'm not going to sit here and say everything's fine because it's not. This whole damn situation is screwed up. I'm not happy with things and I have every right to be. But I also have a responsiblity to myself and to everyone else to live.
Choices and values have been made this week. Why should I choose people that don't choose me? I value myself and so do other people. I owe it to myself to treat myself and my heart right.Current Mood:  I can smile now Current Music: Baracuda - Heart |
| » Betrayed |
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How does it feel to have this happen to you twice in your life?
How do you feel?
Oct. 14th, 2006 @ 11:16 pm
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| » Jackass Number 2 |
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This movie wins.
Even Ebert and Roper give it two thumbs up (and I'm not kidding).
Entertainment Weekly gives it a B.
Some credible sites I've seen give it three stars.
Today is a good day to be alive.
Oct. 2nd, 2006 @ 12:18 am
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| » Heh |
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A phrase just popped into my head that I heard when I was in middle school:
Sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll,
Speed, weed, birth control.
Life's a bitch and then you die,
So fuck the world and let's get high.
When I was in middle school, I used to think that was a really cool phrase. I never got high or anything, but I thought it was cool cause I heard older kids say it. These last few weeks have been... eh... weird I guess. More like disappointing. It's not to say that it's been all bad, but I feel like I lost a lot from last year, but gained a lot too. I mean that in terms of everything. I've lost and gained teachers, friends, jobs... tons. And I don't know how much I like living away from the dorms. Yeah, it's nice and my roomates are great, but I think I miss being able to walk over and see anyone I feel like.
I had a weird thought today. I really want my childhood back. I don't want to go back to being ignorant about things, but I guess that's what would need to happen if I were to go back cause I'd be a child. I mean, I think it might be worse cause I'd know what was going to happen and stuff -- my uncle getting divorced, my grandparents dying, my own parents getting divorced. I mean, I don't know. It was just that this morning, all I wanted was to go back to my uncle's house -- back when he lived on the South side -- and waste away an afternoon listening to Everclear and floating around in his pool in his backyard with my cousins. He and my dad would come out with beers and they'd come in and put their drinks in those pool lounge chairs that float but have the cup holders in them. Then we'd try to dunk them. Afterwards, I'd go inside and play Mega Man 2 on my cousin's Nintendo with the really awkward control stick because I never had one. I'd play the second level because I liked it the best even though I couldn't beat the boss. Or my cousin and I would rent Zombies Ate My Neighbors for Super Nintendo and spend the day beating that while I ignored how the carpet smelled a little like dog pee. Then my parents would say it was time to go even though I would want to stay, and I'd fall asleep on the car ride home.
What's the point. People leave. They change. Sometimes I think maybe Sean's got a lot of it right after all. Everyone else can pick up and leave and move on with their lives, but I seem to be the one with the problem. I think everyone forgets too easily and they give up their emotional hardships for the quick fix.
Well, I have to go. Giles is here. We need to talk about many things.
Goodnight.
Sep. 19th, 2006 @ 11:17 pm
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| » Short and Sweet |
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See mood icon.
Sep. 17th, 2006 @ 12:20 am
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| » A Happy New Year |
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So guess who gets to go see RENT in three weeks?
Sep. 9th, 2006 @ 11:43 am
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| » Damn |
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Crocodile Hunter's dead?!?!?!
That's... pretty sad.
Well, at least school's starting soon...
Happy thoughts!!!
Sep. 4th, 2006 @ 09:15 am
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| » I Sill Haven't Seen Pirates 2 or Clerks 2 Yet |
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Here's a fun game for you all to play at home. It's called "SciFi or Stargate."
-Turn on the ScFi channel.
-Guess if what's on is Stargate or a SciFi original. First person to guess correctly wins a prize. Sometimes it's harder than you think.
So I work at The Lady and Sons now. I bring people bread and water. Today, an elderly couple came in and told me about how they lived next door to Jason Biggs.
If you put pudding in a smoothie, it tastes like AWESOME.
If you put vanilla ice cream, milk, quik, and fluff in a blender, you win. End of story.
Snakes on a Plane. Great movie. Finally saw it last night. There was a lot of "Just accept it. There's snakes on the plane, end of story," stuff at the beginning and end of the movie (which was pretty funny) but the middle was pretty decent. As goofy the concept is, it shows how big of a problem this could be if someone did this. I'm not going to say any more; see the movie.
And while you're at it, watch this:
http://www.liquidgeneration.com/content/showMeDaContent.aspx?cid=1178
Brent and I couldn't find the trailer for the real movie, but I don't think I need to anymore.
Aug. 25th, 2006 @ 06:54 pm
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| » Hello World! |
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Well, now that we have the internet here and I can use it since Sean's not playing FFXI, I figured I'd update here. Things are going ok for me right now. I've been doing sound for Opposite Of People Squad (O.O.P.S.) improv, but I think this might be our last weekend until October. Classes are going pretty good for me so far. I wrote a play in screenwriting about this guy who's trapped in this guy's appartment because he owes him so much money, but the roommate is keeping him there by not letting him find a job. It's kind of confusing to explain. And I'm writing this screenplay about this guy who somehow ends up stranded on a desert island after something happens to him on a cruise ship where he worked as a bartender. I'm not sure what's going to happen, but it's going to be something to make him want to live alone on an island. I'm also in a play right now. I'm Bruce in Marie and Bruce. It's a big part, but I'm looking forward to it even though some of the material is kind of awkward for me. It's about a dysfunctional couple. It's funny, but some of the dialogue is weird for me. And on top of all that I'm doing sound for a movie for a former professor. I guess she has some friends at Sundance so it's going to be screened there at least. It's probably not going to be shown since it's a crappy script, but it's still considered a professional project (even though I'm being paid by being able to use the movie for my portfolio, but, hey, this is my first time doing location sound). Eventually I'll get some pictures up here of the new place, but Brent left for the weekend and I don't really know how to get the pictures we took off the camera. It looks really nice here. Oh! I fixed my old couch! No more dip! Horray! It was starting to give me back problems since I use it as my bed (cause it's a futon kind of thing). I fixed my entertainment center too since that was being held together with duct tape. I still don't have a job, but I got an offer to run sound for another new theatre here and it would pay. That would be great.
But even though I'm having a lot of fun and doing a lot of great things here, I wish fall would come sooner.
Well, rehearsal's soon. I need to get ready. Bye!
Aug. 2nd, 2006 @ 05:24 pm
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| » I Hate You Internet |
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So apparently my router box thinks that AIM and Bittorrent are security breaches and Ian and I don't have the driver disk to turn off the firewall on the router.
Seriously, wtf is this shit?
Oh, and anyone still in Savannah, come see O.O.P.S. improv Thurs.-Sat. nights @ 10:00pm. $8 @ the Savannah Actors Theatre(the warehouse on the way to Boundary).
Jul. 8th, 2006 @ 09:58 am
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| » HOUSE??? |
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Well I'm back in Savannah. Yay. I just bought my first load of groceries. Holy cow! I'm in a house! Wow!
Think that's about it. Job hunting time tomorrow.
Jun. 15th, 2006 @ 02:24 am
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| » Dream |
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Wanted to get this down before I forgot:
I remember I had to go to a play so I went in backstage. I missed my entrance. Thankfully Keena was in front of me and had to make an entrance before the curtain opened. The curtain was at the back of the stage seperating the house from the stage. I don't think the audience saw me. He was dressed in a red madrigal/harlequin outfit. Fast forward. I am on a hill at night. There is an asian girl there. She talks about watching the stars. I see the most beautiful meteor shower ever from on top of a grassy hill in the middle of nowhere. She is there. We go down the path from the top of this hill and it is very steep. We arrive at the top of another hill, this one somehow closer to the sky. The meteor shower is still going. It looks like stars appearing and then streaking and fading across the sky. Fast forward even though I don't want to. I'm back at the dorms but not the dorms. Something happens. Something about the play earlier. I think I go back and Ronto is there, but it's not quite the same play as before. I came to watch, but I come in the backstage as before. There are seats there this time. Risers in fact. I sit. Fast forward? Seems like I'm leaving something out. Boundary Village, sunset. It is a very deep red-orange. I see a guy carry his buddy over his shoulder to what I think is a first aid area. I hope he's ok. I look in the vending machine and see there's a half-drank bottle of mango gatorade in the front of the bottom right space. Behind it is a rice krispie treat, a really big one for a vending machine. And behind that something else. Fast forward? It's black and white. Something happens. Pyramid head is there? Don't remember. It wasn't scary though.
May. 24th, 2006 @ 11:42 pm
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| » I'm Tired |
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I miss you.
May. 3rd, 2006 @ 01:29 am
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| » Prayer of the Warrior |
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With every day, give me a new adventure;
New mountains to climb, new valleys to explore.
Give me life as it should be, and life how it is --
Let me forge my own way through the wild.
No matter how dark the night,
How thick the jungle,
How hopeless the vision,
Let me live on.
The feel of the sun is not the same
As any flourescent glow.
I will feel the thorns of life
Stab me in my side;
And I will cry with pain
And with joy.
I will live; I will feel.
I will make no facade to protect myself.
And when I arrive from my journey --
Battered, bruised, bleeding --
I will know that I have lived my life;
I will know that I have felt reality,
And made the earth tremble in my footsteps.
Apr. 17th, 2006 @ 11:54 pm
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| » This is a Metaphor |
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A day in the life of a condom: you get ripped out of your packaging, f*cked over, used, then thrown away.
Kind of depressing, ain't it?
Apr. 10th, 2006 @ 12:02 am
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